Jeni's Fanfiction
by Jeni Draco's Girl
Summary: Hogwarts is being invaded by a mad scientist from another dimension, and only Jeni, a Gryffindor, and her unlikely allies, Severus, Remus, and Draco can save everyone! (With little help from Harry Potter.) Mayhem lies ahead!
1. Enter the Madman

JENI'S FANFICTION ~ By Severus Snape the Second (Crimson Sun )  
  
& Remus J. Lupin Junior (Account accessible soon.)  
  
Note: Writing in ~'s are italics  
Writing in //'s are from Remus.  
~  
  
There was once someone named Jeni. (Note: JENI, not JENNY. How special. ^_^ I should get back to the point now)  
  
Jeni went to Hogwarts, so obviously she was a witch. (No-DUH) And she was in her fifth year at the school. She is in Gryffindor, which SHOULD mean she's brave and loyal, etc, etc, but I can still scare the crap out of her if I want. (Who am I?? I'll tell you later) She has blue eyes and blond hair, but Lupin Junior and I managed to turn her hair blue and her eyes blond when we were playing a joke. But back to the point (again, I stray so much. NO, stop asking me who I am), Jeni is an excellent witch who always got top marks, blah blah blah. (Unlike me, but annnnyway)  
  
//Well anyway, Jeni always got top marks EXCEPT for Lupin, who was a genius and had a brilliant mind. Like ***** said before, she was in Gryffindor, and ***** hates Gryffindor because they are so much better than his own house, Slytherin (if you don't know who ***** is yet, you should really go read the Harry Potter books again). Jeni was also a fantastic Quidditch player - she was the second-best flyer on the Gryffindor team and was seeker (Lupin, the chaser, was by far the best flyer). They said Lupin could play for England if he wanted to, but anyway...  
  
One night Jeni wanted to practice her summoning charms (she could never work out if it was ~accio~ or ~ashio~), so she found a spare classroom and started practicing. She left a few seconds later, after Peeves had dropped a desk on her head, and staggered down to the hospital wing with pieces of wood stuck in her head. However, on the way she bumped into... LUPIN who, being the brilliant wizard that he was, was immediately able to get the bits of wood out of her head. So she went off to find a Peeves-free classroom to practice in. She walked into an empty classroom, only to find it wasn't empty. Inside was...//  
  
Draco, who turned around, looking even more pissed off than he usually was to find a girl walking in on his...ah...private matters. (Grins evilly ^_- ) Jeni thought the polite thing to do would be to ask Draco nicely whether she could practice her summoning, but Draco, being the jerkhead that he is, told her to get lost before she even opened her mouth. (Haha No one listens to Jeni. Haha) Ok, so Jeni is really pissed off and she huffs off in a puff to find another classroom.  
  
Behind her, Draco looks bemused. *Muhahahaha*  
  
Later that evening, Jeni was sulking in the commonroom, as she hadn't been able to find an empty classroom, when she heard screaming outside in the corridor, followed by a rush to get into the Gryffindor commonroom by her fellow Gryffindors. 'What's going on?' she asked, as was the style to ask at the time when people are screaming and running around. But no one answered, because they were too busy running. (AND let's not forget NO ONE listens to Jeni. ;^D) Suddenly, the fat lady swung outwards, and who should burst in other than...  
  
ME!! Hahahahaha!! Who am I? I AM SEVERUS THE SECOND! Hahahaha! (Yes, that wasn't much of a secret to begin with, but on with the...seriously mutilated fanfic...)  
  
"What's up! Why is everyone in an awful panic?" Asked Jeni in her prissy lady-like way. Severus(I'm gonna start referring to myself as the third person to uncomplicate matters, not that matters are very complicated) raised his head dramatically, and answered, with his voice booming around the commonroom: (As the sound crew are very attracted to Me... ahem, HIM.)  
  
"!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Question marks were floating above Jeni's head. Fortunately, Lupin was right behind Severus and, //being the brilliant wizard that he was//, was able to interpret: 'He means that some crazed madman had made it inside the castle somehow.'  
  
Jeni was frightened. 'What should we do?'  
  
'Tell Harry Potter?' Lupin suggested, and was rewarded with a most unfortunate nudge in the ribs by Severus's elbow. (Ouch) //(Severus was only jealous of Lupin's brilliance and good looks)//.  
  
'No, I think the best thing to do is only THINK like HP, run around chasing the madman, and hope by some strange coincidence that the story turns out right without us getting killed.' As everyone agreed with m..ahem, SEVERUS, the three made their way briskly out of the Gryffindor commonroom (Hey, how'd I get in the Gryffindor commonroom in the first place?)  
  
//(Severus got into the Gryffindor commonroom because... LUPIN took pity on the inferior Severus, and decided to let him in with the superior Gryffindors - such as LUPIN).  
  
So Jeni and Lupin and Severus ran madly around the castle, Lupin in the lead (because of his superiority) and Severus in the back (because of his inferiority). However, they saw no sign of a madman. But they were still thinking like HP, so the brilliant (and infinitely superior)..... LUPIN said "Snape must be the madman... he is going to steal the Philosopher's stone"//  
  
However, Lupin, being ultimately INFERIOR, despite whatever ideas he may have in his ultra inflated head about himself, was not aware that the Philosopher's Stone had already been destroyed. (Oh come on, THE FIRST BOOK, hello?)  
  
//Severus' inferior mind couldn't grasp the concept that someone coughLupincough was actually smarter than him. So Lupin, trying to act like Harry Potter, yelled at Snape and Jeni for an hour, donned his superman clothes and flew off to the third floor corridor to tackle Fluffy and save the day. However, Fluffy wasn't in the corridor. Inside was...//  
  
Draco again! (This is getting infinitely predictable...) However, Draco was not the only one in the room. //Suddenly, Draco was sucked into a vortex and disappeared. Somebody stepped out from behind a well-placed pillar. It was... DRACO. 'I thought you were in another dimension', said Jeni, who had mysteriously appeared in the corridor with Severus.//  
  
'I was.' Replied Draco, sweeping his blond hair backwards like those people on the head and shoulders ads. //'Don't you normally wear gel?', asked Lupin, amazing even himself at his own brilliance.//  
  
'Oh, is that what the gunk in my hair was.' Draco looked perplexed for about a nanosecond before realizing he had more important issues to report. 'Hey, when I came back from the horrid other dimension, someone came with me.'  
  
Severus looked doubtful. Lupin looked doubtful even more. (I like Angela Anaconda.) Jeni merely looked stoned.  
  
//However, Lupin, because of his... BRILLIANCE, was looking the most doubtful, so... DUMBLEDORE stepped out from behind another convenient pillar and presented Lupin with a huge trophy. They all clapped admiringly. Jeni claimed that she had been looking the most doubtful, and said that she deserved the trophy. They all ignored Jeni, because no-one ever listens to her anyway, so she went back to looking stoned.//  
  
'But that is not the guy that followed me!' wailed Draco in despair.  
  
'And since when was Dumbledore part of another dimension?' Asked Severus, getting right to the point with his comments unlike someone...cough.LUPIN.cough.(Hehehe)  
  
'Oh.' Said Dumbledore, his beard drooping. 'I'll just disapparate then.' (He vanished with a bang)  
  
'Hey...wait a moment...' Jeni said, coming out of her reservoir. (I KNOW what it is, ok?) 'You can't disapparate in the castle.'  
  
Dumbledore reappeared. (Notice how in all the bad cartoons people always show up without warning and reason??)  
  
'Oh.' Said Dumbledore. 'I'll just go then. Have fun following death! ...and that madman who followed Draco here.'  
  
He shuffled off in his bunny slippers, leaving everyone at least a little stoned. (Jeni in particular.)  
  
//However, Lupin recovered quickly (because of his... amazing... BRILLIANCE), and, using his psychic abilities, said 'I can SEE through that helpful pillar! There is someone "lurking" behind it!'.//  
  
'Oh please!' Psychic abilities my f-' Draco didn't even finish before he collapsed in a heap at our heroes feet. //Lupin looked condescendingly down at him.// Severus looked slightly bemused. Jeni blinked.  
  
After Draco collapsed, the three were able to see something sticking out of his back, which, we may rightfully assume, was the cause of his most ungraceful fall. They bent in closer to examine the object (Forgetting all the crime movies they saw as children with the murderer right behind them as they go in to examine something) and found it was a...(*gaaaaasp*) SYRINGE! FULL OF BLUE, SHINING LIQUID! *Muhahahahaha!*  
  
'What the hell?" Asked Severus. //Jeni said, 'It's a SYRINGE!//' But seeing as Jeni is such a minor character, everyone ignores her.  
  
Suddenly, the helpful pillar jumped aside to reveal none other than...  
  
'HOJO!' (Finally!) Screamed Severus. 'Oh....*Goes lovey eyed as the evil long haired womanizing hollow cheeked lab coat clad scientist steps out.*  
  
Jeni blinked, thinking this whole ordeal cannot get ANY weirder. Lupin dropped his trophy in surprise. It smashed into a thousand pieces. Dumbledore's very cheap. ^_^  
  
'SEVERUS!' Lupin didn't even notice the very pointy, sharp and highly dangerous pieces on the floor at his feet in his surprise. 'YOU'RE *Gaaaaasp* GAY?'  
  
Okay, Severus, feeling the odd stares coming from everywhere, decided to explain the situation before it got any stranger.  
  
'Okay, so, I knew about that vortex a few years back, and don't kill me or tell Dumbledore or anything but I went to explore 'cause I wanted a place to hide from the stupid Marauders and the toilets were all full. So anyway, I climbed into the vortex and what do you know! I ended up in another world, strange, and filled with mudbloods. (Or so I thought) Then some guards came from nowhere and snatched me up into a van. I looked out and realized I had fallen in some burning city with dead people on the floors, etc. I also realized they crammed me into a van with murderous insane drooling idiots. So I called out for help and then who should come to my rescue but *Sigh...* Hojo-Sama. But I only got one look at him and his nametag before I was mysteriously teleported back into the world of...well, this world.'  
  
Silence.  
  
'Um...so I hope that explains stuff...' Severus was slowly backing away from the penetrating stares and raised eyebrows.  
  
'That doesn't explain anything!' Wailed Jeni. 'Why the hell are you in LOVE with him?'  
  
Fortunately, this time Jeni's comment was relevant enough to attract attention. All eyes fell back onto Severus.  
  
Hojo coughed in the corner. Draco stirred on the floor and grunted. 'Ah, ahem, I think the matter you should be addressing now is the crazed madman...aha, me.' Said the evil scientist, stepping forwards.  
  
Lupin, who hadn't had a line in ages, exclaimed: 'KEEP BACK!'  
  
They all chose this time to draw out their wand, though they, like Harry Potter, never use a spell unless forced to. Quite stupid, if you ask me, but anyway.  
  
'Expelliarmus!' Shouted Lupin, thrusting his wand. Unfortunately, the disarming spell does not work on one who has NOT GOT A WAND!  
  
//However, unknown to everyone else, Lupin was in fact using a spell that he had invented himself, which sounded remarkably like 'expelliarmus'. It was, in fact, 'expelliaremus', named after himself, so it worked perfectly and slammed Hojo into another helpful pillar. 'Noooo...' yelled Snape, rushing over to where Hojo lay. //  
  
But before he could get there, Hojo reached into his lab coat pocket and took out a shining stone. He muttered something no one could catch and disappeared; leaving everyone looking...you guess it! Stoned!  
  
'Great! Now what?' Lupin crossed his arms and kicked the limp figure of Draco at his feet in frustration. 'He's gone!'  
  
'No DUH, Inspector Obvious.' Jeni said, taking up a haughty tone as an attempt to get people to notice her. No one did. ^_^  
  
'No! Hojo, come back!' It was Severus's turn to wail. 'Or take me with you! Whatever!'  
  
It took a few seconds for everyone to come out of their respective miseries.  
  
'I guess we should go and chase him before he kills anyone.' Jeni pointed out.  
  
'I guess we should go and chase him before he kills anyone!' Lupin exclaimed.  
  
'I just said that!' Jeni exasperated. Unfortunately, this was not a relevant enough comment. So she went back to muttering angrily under her breath.  
  
Severus said nothing. He was still too miserable. Jeni patted him sympathetically on the shoulder.  
  
'Come on then, we should go.' Said Lupin, sighing and stepping over the sharp edges of his beloved trophy plus Draco's unconscious body. 'We've got a madman on the loose and only we can stop him!'  
  
'Ah, and why is that? I don't wanna kill Hojo.' Severus rebutted.  
  
''Cause we're the Harry Potter wannabes, remember?' Lupin rolled his eyes. 'It's our RESPONSIBILITY to endanger our lives for the benefit of either the enemy or everyone else!'  
  
'Fine, fine. I guess there's no other choice.' Severus got up and fell over again. He tripped on...you guess it again! Draco.  
  
'We can't just leave Draco Malfoy here.' Jeni said. Her eyes were strangely misty. Since everyone else was thinking the same thing, what she said went through.  
  
'Ah, stuff the little *BEEP*.' Growled Severus, who's temper was still not in check. (for the purposes of writing this non-violent, foul-language free fanfiction, we took the liberty of beeping out Severus's unfortunate outburst. We hope for your cooperation in future in creating the safest, nicest fanfiction site for all the little eight and ten year olds out there. Thank you!) 'I thought you liked Draco?' Lupin mused.  
  
'I am Severus the SECOND, Lupin.' Severus reminded him. 'I think he's nothing but a little *BEEP*. But...just because I don't like him doesn't mean no one does.'  
  
Jeni blushed in the corner, thanking God that for once no one noticing her was to her advantage.  
  
'What the *BEEP* are you talking about, Snape?' Lupin demanded. 'Of COURSE it means no one likes him if you don't! Now let's GO!'  
  
'NO!' Someone said. The boys turned around and saw it was Jeni. Her cheeks were awfully red. ^_^  
  
'Oh, Jeni!' Said Lupin. 'When'd you show up?'  
  
It was Jeni's turn to ignore someone else. She plunged straight into her speech: 'Okay, we can't leave Malfoy here by himself 'cause then he'd hinder the mission 'cause then we'd have to look for him later. If we don't worry about him, then other people would and because we're Harry potter wannabes, we have to consider everybody, right?'  
  
Silence.  
  
'So, after you, Lupin.' Severus said, gesturing to the door.  
  
'Don't mind if I do.' Lupin said, stepping out.  
  
'ARG!' Exclaimed Jeni.  
  
'Oh, FINE!' Sighed Severus, 'cause he's generally a nice guy. 'WHAT do you WANT to DO?' Jeni thought for a while. Draco moaned on the floor. Lupin rolled his eyes so much his eyebrows raised to the ceiling.  
  
'Um...' Jeni thought for a while more. 'Ah, in all the Disney movies I've seen, when a guy (girl) is asleep or...in this case...unconscious...I think you have to...'  
  
Silence.  
  
'Hurry the *BEEP* up, then!' Severus shouted, still frustrated he can't go chasing after Hojo. 'What do you want to do?'  
  
'*mumble* *mumble*' Said Jeni.  
  
'Let's just leave her here.' Lupin suggested. 'We've gotten this far without her.' ^_^  
  
'NO!' Jeni screamed, her face going beetroot. 'I think one of us has to *mumble* *mumble*'  
  
'Grr!' Lupin stepped out the door. Severus grabbed the back of his robes and yanked him back.  
  
'OUT WITH IT, GIRL!' They both screamed at her.  
  
'KISS HIM!!!' Yelled Jeni. Three floors away, the portraits along the wall woke with a start.  
  
Silence.  
  
Silence.  
  
'Well?' Jeni asked. 'Who...um...wants the honors?'  
  
Silence  
  
Silence.  
  
'Jeni, we're sorry if we've been ignoring you these days, but this is NO WAY to get attention!' Lupin said, waving his arms about in frustration.  
  
'Well, do you wanna be a wannabe or not?' Jeni yelled at him. 'Look, it may not work but Hojo didn't exactly leave INSTRUCTIONS on how to revive him!'  
  
'But the thing is, I don't think I ever wanted to be a wannabe!' Said Severus. 'Right now all I want is to go after Hojo-Sama, ok?'  
  
The three stared at each other for a while.  
  
'Severus, maybe you should just kiss Malfoy and get it over with.' Lupin suggested. 'You like men, right?'  
  
'WHA?' Questioned Severus. 'WHY DO I HAVE TO KISS THE LITTLE *BEEP*? AND I DO NOT LIKE MEN!'  
  
'So Hojo's a woman, eh?' Lupin asked slyly.  
  
'You-'  
  
'It'd be good if you stopped referring to him as a little *BEEP*, Severus.' Jeni interrupted with her mumble.  
  
The boys rounded on her.  
  
'Since you like him so much, why don't YOU kiss him?' Lupin asked. 'After all, you came up with the stupid idea.'  
  
'And there's the small but important matter of YOU ARE THE ONLY GIRL HERE!' Severus agreed loudly, eyeing daggers at Lupin.  
  
'!!!' Said Jeni.  
  
'Go on! We won't look!' Lupin pushed Jeni forward towards the unconscious Draco.  
  
'Yeah, do whatever. There's only lives at stake outside, no need to rush.' Severus said, voice dripping with sarcasm.  
  
'!!!' Said Jeni.  
  
'JUST GO!' The boys encouraged.  
  
Jeni swept the dangerous sharp trophy pieces away with her robes and got down next to Draco, (who by this time was snoring softly ^_^) and lifted his head, sweeping away a loose bang in front of his eyes. (Where's the loose bang? His hair is gelled back!) Then, turning her back on the boys behind her, she slowly got down level to his face and softly...(Ewwwwwww! Author's Note: JENI FORCED ME TO WRITE THIS! BLAME MUSHINESS ON HER!!!)...touched her lips to his.  
  
Silence.  
  
(Thank GODS that's over!!! _)  
  
Everyone held their breath.  
  
'Wha...?' Said Draco.  
  
'!!!' Said Jeni, getting up on her feet so quickly she let go of Malfoy's head and it hit the stone floor with a sinister 'bong'. Nevertheless, the boy was up!  
  
Draco sat up idly and pulled the syringe out of his back. He rubbed his head and looked dreamily up at our three heroes.  
  
'Wha...?' Draco repeated.  
  
'Right, let's get the hell out of here and on the trail of the villain!' Lupin shouted triumphantly, striking a fist into the air.  
  
'Geez...he's not a villain, he's just misunderstood...' Muttered Severus, following the werewolf out the door.  
  
'...' Said Jeni, eyeing Malfoy for the last time, her eyes slightly teary. Then she too followed the two boys out the door.  
  
~  
  
AN: This is a fanfiction 'Remus' and I started one fateful science lesson when our friend Jeni (No-duh) started bothering me to write her something. Thus is insanity. Do not sue. Check out my account if you want. I assure you this fanfic does not define any of my others or resemble them in any way.  
  
PS: In case you are confused, Hojo is indeed from another dimension. The Final Fantasy 7 one! I love that game.most of my ffs are about it.  
  
Ok, read on. 


	2. Various Misfortunes

JENI'S FANFICTION ~ By Severus Snape the Second. (Crimson Sun) (with no help from Lupin Junior.)  
  
Mention again that writing in ~'s are italics.  
  
~  
  
The three heroes made their way briskly along the empty corridors.(Empty? Why are they empty? For effect, of course.) In the search for Hojo.  
  
'Okay, so, where do we go now?' Lupin asked vaguely. 'It's not like he left us a trail of breadcrumbs to follow or anything.'  
  
'Speaking of which, I'm hungry.' Severus moaned. 'Why can't we just tell Harry Potter? It'd make things a lot easier!'  
  
'No, for once we'll do this ourselves!' Lupin rebutted. 'Where to go next, crew?'  
  
They stared at Lupin.  
  
'Crew?' Severus asked, raising an eyebrow. Lupin shrugged.  
  
'I guess it'd be safer for us to stick together.' Jeni said.  
  
'Great idea!' Said Lupin. 'Let's split up!'  
  
'But-' Jeni protested.  
  
'Snape, you go along this corridor down to the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw commonrooms, I'll go back up to the Gryffindor tower and then round to the Slytherin commonroom, and we'll meet back here in an hour. Got that?'  
  
'But-' Jeni protested.  
  
'Oh, Jeni! You just pop up everywhere, don't you?' Lupin said. 'Well, as long as you're here, you can go check the astronomy tower. And while you're at it, go down to the dungeons too, k?'  
  
'But-' Jeni protested.  
  
'Right! Let's go!' Lupin instructed. The boys set off, leaving Jeni in their dust. She stood for a moment, looking stoned, and then sighed and decided to investigate the dungeons.  
  
[In the Slytherin Commonroom]  
  
'Hey, has anyone seen Draco lately?' Pansy asked.  
  
Lupin skipped past the black leather armchairs. He figured since no one was in a panic or stamping over each other in a rush to get out, Hojo has not been here. Or maybe just no one noticed him.  
  
'Forget Draco,' Said Lupin. 'Has anyone seen a man with glasses and long hair and a lab coat?'  
  
Silence.  
  
'Wait a minute...' Pansy said slowly, getting up off her armchair and walking over to where Lupin was investigating. 'You're not a Slytherin!'  
  
'Ah...' Said Lupin.  
  
'You're a *Gaaaaaaasp* GRYFFINDOR!'  
  
A collective intake of breath surrounded the room. Then, before he knew what else was going on, Lupin was shoved off his feet and into another leather armchair, where he was surrounded by the angry pug-like faces of the Slytherins.  
  
'Eep.' Squeaked Lupin. Maybe coming to the Slytherin commonroom should've been left up to Snape. He tried quickly to escape this situation. 'I...I...ah...am...am not...A GRYFFINDOR! I am...um...I'm actually a...spy...yeah, that's it, a SPY for Slytherin that's been...um...sent to Gryffindor House to...ah...SPY on them for us!'  
  
Silence.  
  
'How can we be sure?' Asked Pansy, pushing her squashed face all the way down to Lupin's until their noses could've touched. Not pleasant. 'How do we know you're telling the truth? Perhaps I need a little reinforcement. Crabbe?'  
  
Crabbe pushed past the crowd of Slytherins, his face twisted with glee. It made him dribble. Not pleasant at all. How could Snape stand to be around these idiots? No wonder he wanted to be in Gryffindor once upon a time!  
  
'ARE YOU A GRYFFINDOR?' Crabbe screamed in Lupin's ear.  
  
'NO!' Lupin screamed back. He was fast regaining his confidence. If his dad could conceal his werewolfish-ness for so long, surely his son could trick a couple...a lot...of Slytherins without problem...right?  
  
'ARE YOU A GRYFFINDOR?' Crabbe yelled again. Spit flied. Not nice. (Hey, that almost rhymed! ^_^ )  
  
'I TOLD YOU NO!' Lupin yelled back.  
  
'Well, that's all I've got.' Crabbe said, shrugging at Pansy. She raised both eyebrows in an attempt to look mocking, but since only good-looking evil people can raise one of their eyebrows at a time, her attempt at it obviously failed.  
  
'All right...' She said, brushing past Crabbe until Lupin was looking at her rotten pie-like face again. 'We'll ask ya something only Slytherins would know. Then we'll find out if you're lying or not. And if you are...'  
  
Crabbe struck a fist into his other hand. Goyle massaged his knuckles. Lupin gulped. Even if he was BRILLIANT at dueling, so many against one certainly meant coming out the worse end for him.  
  
'Hm...' Pansy thought, stroking her non-existent chin. 'I know! Here's a question you WON'T be able to answer, 'cause you're NOT really a Slytherin!'  
  
Lupin tried to look confidently inquisitive.  
  
'WHAT WAS PROFESSOR SNAPE THE FIRST SCARED OF?' Asked Pansy, victory all over her face and not making it look much better.  
  
Silence.  
  
'Um...' Said Lupin, thinking hard. What was an evil dude like the last Snape scared of? Well, this should be easy. Whatever the old guy was scared of, he most certainly would have passed the fear to his son, who Lupin so fortunately knows. But what WAS Snape the second afraid of? Well...well...  
  
'Time's running out.' Pansy smirked. But since only good-looking evil people can smirk and make it look charming and devilish, her attempt at it obviously...you guessed it! (Gee, you're so smart!) failed.  
  
Lupin's ticking brain was almost audible on the outside. What was Snape scared of? Not the usual sort of thing like spiders or exams or stuff... It's got to be something like...  
  
Then he got it. Pushing himself up on the armchair, Lupin said triumphantly:  
  
'HE'S SCARED OF THE COLOUR PINK!'  
  
Silence. Lupin held his breath.  
  
'How'd...how'd...' Pansy's stuttering said all he could ever wish for. Obviously this WAS the right answer. Boy, was Snape going to be teased bad when Lupin got out of here.  
  
'Well, since I so obviously AM a Slytherin, would you please let me out of here now?' Lupin got up, thanking the Gods that the all the Slytherins save Snape and Malfoy were indirect descendants of trolls. 'Unlike all of you, a SPY's job is never done. So, HAVE any of you seen an evil-looking dude with long black hair and glasses and a lab coat?'  
  
'Yeah.' Pansy said, defeated. 'He went down the way to the Hufflepuff commonrooms, I think.'  
  
'*BEEP*!' Swore Lupin. 'That's where I sent Snape! I gotta go find him before *gaaaaasp* it's too late!'  
  
He stumbled out of the Slytherin commonroom, in search again of the evil mad scientist Hojo, wishing sincerely he wouldn't have to face either that dude or more Slytherins.  
  
[In the Dungeons]  
  
Jeni sulked all the way down the stairs that led to the dungeons. For once, would it KILL them to listen to her opinion for once? (Actually...no, never mind. ^_^ ) She skipped down the stairs two at a time, decided it was too happy for this particular occasion, so slowed down to a funeral-like march.  
  
Suddenly, she heard rumbling behind her. (DUN DUN DUN!!!!) Spinning around, (and nearly tripping on the stairs while she was at it), she glimpsed a GIANT shadow coming down towards her!  
  
'ARG!' Said Jeni.  
  
The owner of the shadow was nearly squashing her. She looked up in the dim candlelight, ready to scream, when suddenly she grasped the image before her. Hey...isn't that...  
  
'HAGRID?' Recognition bloomed on Jeni's face. 'AHHHH!' She said as the half- giant brushed past her. Painful, since he can't really BRUSH past anyone with that figure. Anyway.  
  
'Hagrid, stop!' She shouted, chasing him down the stairs. The gamekeeper finally stopped, looked up, looked down, and gave a start.  
  
'Oh, Jeni!' He said, giving her a friendly pat on the back and sending her down the stairs. 'Oh, sorry there. Um, yer better get outta here. Somethin' mighty funny's goin' on.' (Yes, that's good enough Hagrid talk...)  
  
'What's that?' Asked Jeni, getting up off the floor and rubbing her nose where it crashed onto cold rock. 'If it's something about a madman with glasses and long hair, then you'd better tell me quick so I can report back to the others.'  
  
'No, no.' Hagrid said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. 'There's just been monstrous rats down here, Jeni. Not very nice, chews the cauldron bottoms and eats Professor Snape's potions. Somethin' been makin' em mighty scary. And look, I found this in one of 'em.'  
  
He held out his giant hand. In the middle, almost impossible to see 'cause the contrast between big and small was so big, (oh, don't tell me you didn't get that...never mind) was a needle, filled with...(DUN DUN DUN) BRIGHT BLUE LIQUID!!  
  
'Omigod!' Screeched Jeni. 'That...that's HOJO's needle!!! Does that mean... (DUN DUN - Ah! Enough of this already!)'  
  
'I've got to go investigate!' Jeni said, pulling out her wand. 'Maybe Hojo's down there with his needles or something.... Hagrid, wanna come with?'  
  
'Nah, gotta go polish my boots. Sorry Jen, but it really can't wait any longer.' Hagrid replied. 'See ya round!'  
  
Jeni meant to point out shoe-polishing was just a bit less important than the prospect of everyone dying at the hands of Hojo and the teeth of mutated rats, but since she knew by now that no one listens to her, she merely shrugged and trudged off to the dungeons by herself.  
  
It was cold and damp down in the dungeons and Jeni had left her fur-cloak up in the commonroom. *Damn, said Jeni* She tiptoed around in the semi- darkness, *oooo, spooky, said Jeni* wondering if Hagrid was right about the mutated rats. She wondered if they had a taste for (DUN DUN - *Severus whacks the sound crew* *Sound stops*) human flesh! But she hoped they were too occupied with toad brains and whatnot to notice her.  
  
'Hello~?' She peeked around the corner where Gryffindors usually had their potions classes, searching for any signs of life. *Like the moldy stuff growing on the ceiling? Asked Jeni* She couldn't see any rats yet, but were they smart enough to corner and ambush people, perhaps? Just to be safe, she drew out her wand.  
  
'~Lumos~' The end of the wand ignited. *It's not on fire! Said Jeni. Unfortunately, Severus chose to ignore this comment* She saw nothing of particular interest, except dark puddles on the floor and an open supplies closet.  
  
Wait a minute....  
  
'DARK PUDDLES?' Jeni bent in closer to examine. 'It's *Double Gaaaaaaasp* BLOOD!!'  
  
Jeni spun around wildly, tried to run, tripped, got up, tried to run again, finally did, and stumbled back towards the staircase. But before she could reach it, more GIANT shadows came stumbling out of a dark corner that was not there before!  
  
*Gulp* Jeni gulped as what was unmistakably GIANT RATS scuttering towards her! She flattened herself against the nearest wall and held her breath for dear life.  
  
The rats drew closer.  
  
Jeni closed her eyes.  
  
The rats drew level with her.  
  
Jeni bit her tongue*Lip! Correct Jeni. Severus whistled and looked at the ceiling*.  
  
The rats were going...  
  
Jeni tugged at her hair silently  
  
They were...going away!  
  
'Phew' said Jeni.  
  
'Hey, did you hear something?' The smaller rat said. *Do rats talk? asked Jeni. Severus examined his nails*  
  
'Yeeeeah...' The bigger rat realized. 'But I didn't see anyone, did you?'  
  
'Maybe...' The smaller said. (Not even the rats notice Jeni! ^_^)  
  
'Hey, there's a wall that resembles a human there!' Realized the bigger rat.  
  
'That's no human-like wall!' Screeched the smaller rat. 'That is...*Gaaaaaasp* A HUMAN!'  
  
'EEEP!' Said Jeni.  
  
'GET HER!'  
  
[At the Hufflepuff Commonroom]  
  
Severus looked curiously around, hoping for any sign of Hojo. He sincerely wished he were the one who found the scientist before anyone else.  
  
Since no one has ever described the Hufflepuff Commonroom, let's give a brief description here! (Before I go any further, DON'T SUE) Severus entered through a closet near the third floor, under a set of stairs, and found himself momentarily blinded by an array of black and yellow stripes. He felt as though he'd just stepped into an overlarge bumblebee.  
  
'Erg.' Said Severus, composing himself. He shook his head. There were more important matters at hand. MUCH more important matters. Such as...  
  
'Hey, is there some food around here? I'm starving.'  
  
'Ah, I don't think that's what you're supposed to say.' Said Cedric, the only person who had a copy of Jeni's fanfic - the script on hand. 'You're supposed to say 'Hey, has anyone seen a long haired, lab-coat donned, etc, etc, mad scientist?'  
  
'Well, actors have to eat someday!' Severus complained. 'Besides, you're supposed to be dead, so shut up!'  
  
'But you gotta say your line so I can say my line which is "why, yes, I-'  
  
'Yeah, yeah.' Said Severus dismissively. 'Are those hotdogs I smell?' He hurried over to the tray of hotdogs that had magically appeared on a nearby table.  
  
'But-I've gotta warn you against the evil-'  
  
'Mmthmm,' Severus mumbled. In people-who-have-their-mouths-full language, this meant 'Shut up and leave me alone to my hotdogs which are SO much better than you, who is annoying the hell out of me while I'm trying to eat my hotdogs, which are SO much better than you, etc,etc.'  
  
'But, but Hojo's-'  
  
'Phh!' Severus spat out his mouthful of hotdog, which melted through the floor (Dumbledore's very cheap. ^_^). Shrieks sounded below. 'DID YOU SAY HOJO?'  
  
'Nah...I haven't been just trying to tell you that for the PAST FIVE HOURS!' Screamed Cedric in frustration.  
  
'Well, tell me where he is now so I can go after him, then!' Yelled Severus, equally loudly. 'I have to find him before anyone else, you realize, so they don't kill him...or so he doesn't kill them...which is more likely...'  
  
'Yeah, yeah.' Said Cedric, clearing his throat and returning to his cool, pretty boy demeanor. 'We didn't notice him at first 'cause he was wearing a cloak. But then I, as the Hufflepuff captain-'  
  
'Hufflepuff captain?' Questioned Severus, who perfectly mastered the art of raising one single eyebrow.  
  
'A self-proclaimed title.' Smiled Cedric nervously, until he remembered his important role as information provider. 'Anyway, I realized he was not one of US! So I chased him out-'  
  
Severus raised the other eyebrow.  
  
'Oh, alright.' Grumbled Cedric. 'He left, and I heard him muttering about giant rats and Sephi-something. And reviving his son or something. And using the soul of an innocent to call him back or something.'  
  
Severus found himself highly annoyed by the fact his eyebrows wouldn't go any higher than they were.  
  
'Where was he?' Severus continued to question.  
  
'Around by the Hufflepuff private swimming pool when I first saw him.' Answered Cedric casually.  
  
'You guys have a PRIVATE SWIMMING POOL?'  
  
'Yeah, it's right next to the Hufflepuff personal Quidditch field.'  
  
'What the-?'  
  
'Well every other house has something they're special for!' Cedric raised his voice slightly. 'Normally it's the people. We're all a bunch of dumbasses, but at least we get to live in style!'  
  
Silence. Severus's forehead was hurting from the effort of keeping his eyebrows near his hairline. But he caught himself again and regained composure. There were much more important things - yes, even more important than his growling stomach - at hand.  
  
'He went down to the dungeons.' Informed Cedric.  
  
'Yeah, thanks Ced.' Sighed Severus. 'I'm off then.'  
  
He took one last glance around the Hufflepuff commonroom, shuddered, and added: 'And Ced, please, please redecorate this place. It could give an old lady a seizure.'  
  
Cedric scowled at Severus's retreating back. Something had been bothering him, and even the script did not stop that nagging in his mind. But only when the Slytherin had gone did he fully realize what it was he was thinking:  
  
'Hey!' He shouted, too late. 'How'd you get inside our commonroom anyway?'  
  
[Outside the Hufflepuff commonroom]  
  
Severus had not gone two steps outside when he bumped into something solid. With a simultaneous 'OW!', both he and the something solid fell to the floor.  
  
'Lupin?' Recognized Severus, rubbing his backside. 'What the hell are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be-'  
  
'Snape!' Lupin also sat up, much quicker and much more enthusiastically. 'You're all right! I thought for sure you'd...'  
  
The werewolf quickly explained his ordeal with the Slytherins to Severus, who by the end of the story had a hard time keeping his face straight. However, after Lupin punched him in the arm for snickering, he regained his dignity and told his, somewhat less dangerous, part of the story concerning the Hufflepuffs.  
  
'So what d'you think we should do now?' Lupin asked. 'Go down to the *shudder* dungeons?'  
  
'Yeah, I guess so.' Severus answered. 'I wonder what Hojo was on about when he talked about reviving his son and all that. And the "soul of an innocent"?'  
  
'Hey, d'you get the feeling we're...missing something?' Lupin asked, scratching his head. 'I'm sure there's something we're supposed to be doing...'  
  
'Yeah, I get that feeling too...' Agreed Severus. 'I wonder what it is...'  
  
'Lunch?' Suggested Lupin.  
  
'Nah...' Severus shook his head thoughtfully. 'Something...less important than that...'  
  
'Well, maybe if we find Jeni, she'd know-' Lupin started, then his eyes widened in an almost comical fashion.  
  
'JENI!' The flash from the idea light bulbs that appeared over their heads blinded three Hufflepuff girls coming out of their commonroom. The two heroes hurried along the corridor as fast as their little footsies could carry them, in search of Hojo, and more...oh, maybe less (snicker ^_^) importantly, JENI!  
  
'And oh, Snape?' Lupin inquired breathlessly as they ran down the winding staircase to the dungeons.  
  
'Yeah?'  
  
'PINK!'  
  
Severus tumbled down the rest of the steps.  
  
~  
  
AN: STILL READING THIS? I commend you for your patience and I scoff at your sense of humor. Anyway, I see I should probably not be insulting my readers. So instead, I will threaten you! Review, lest you turn into a mutated rat! (Not much of a threat. I'm working on it.) 


	3. Severus has a Black Eye!

JENI'S FANFICTION ~ By Severus Snape the Second (Crimson Sun)  
& Remus J. Lupin Junior (Who does not have much to say anymore.)  
  
Mention once more that writings in ~'s are italics, and writings in // are from Remus. Also, writings in *'s are Jeni's annoying comments throughout the composition of this fanfic, and sometimes, my ingenious responses to them. However, these are not to be confused with BEEPs in *'s, because that is the anti-swearing organization's business, not mine. ~Severus.  
  
~  
  
[In one of the dungeons]  
  
There was silence in the dungeons.  
  
There was more silence in the dungeons.  
  
There was silence in the dungeons until a small, barely audible 'EEP' escaped the throat of one of our heroes, who found herself in a situation where nothing else could be done or said except 'EEP'  
  
'EEP' Jeni said again, before even opening her eyes. But once several moments passed with nothing happening, Jeni decided to accept the inevitable and see what was going on outside her eyelids.  
  
She opened one eye.  
  
She saw a giant rat.  
  
Jeni passed out.  
  
[Along the corridors to the dungeons]  
  
'So, um...where're we goin' exactly?' Asked Severus, running along after Lupin. He had a rather large bruise under his hair.(_.' So the Fat Lady and Sir Cadogan and other assorted portraits stormed off down to the dungeon. Unfortunately, there are no portraits in the dungeon, but a quick Expelliaremus from Lupin solved that problem.//  
  
'Hojo!' Yelled Severus, bolting forward. The evil scientist smirked his widest smirk yet and withdrew the same shiny stone he used to disappear earlier and...disappeared! Taking Severus and Jeni with him.  
  
'GODDAMN!' Said Lupin. //~Expelliaremus!~ He disappeared too. Expelliaremus! He reappeared. 'GODDAMN IT! THE RATHER STUPID "FANFICTION RULES" FOR THIS FANFICTION SAY THAT I HAVE TO GO AND FIND DRACO' Lupin complained. 'OF COURSE, I COULD ALWAYS USE EXPELLIAREMUS TO BRING HIM HERE, BUT SINCE I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING THE HARD WAY, I WILL GO OFF WANDERING AIMLESSLY AROUND THE CASTLE LOOKING FOR HIM.'//  
  
[Outside the dungeons]  
  
'Just my luck...' Muttered Lupin to someone nonexistent as he sprinted back up to the main part of the castle. 'Just my luck. One weekend when there's no homework except to study for that stupid arithmancy exam and this happens. THIS happens and even with all my BRILLIANCE I fail to see how to get out of this stupid thing...'  
  
He paused.  
  
'I am still brilliant, though.' He concluded. 'Brilliant at being ignorant.'  
  
He sighed. This wasn't working. Maybe it was time to go to one of the teachers, all of whom for some odd reason had made absolutely no appearance at all through the entire fanfiction. Maybe it was also time to get Harry Potter. Nobody cared if that brat died. Actually, he'd be doing some people favors. People who'd be happy. People like...  
  
Something appeared suddenly at neck level from a dark crevasse. Lupin skidded, failed to stop, and was suddenly finding himself falling back first onto the cold and extremely hard floor. (He was finding himself doing this a lot recently. How tragic.)  
  
'MALFOY!' Roared Lupin, who just realized it was Draco Malfoy's arm that had just cloth-lined him. 'WHAT THE FREAKIN' *BEEP*?'  
  
Lupin was NOT in a very good mood.  
  
'Well?' Draco drawled. 'Managed to save the world yet?'  
  
'Hey, you can't talk!' Growled Lupin, who was still not in a very good mood. 'A few hours ago you were lying with your butt in the air in front of us!'  
  
'Oh, THAT.' Draco rolled his eyes. *No, SHUT UP, JENI.* 'I was merely putting on an act to distract Hojo.'  
  
Lupin looked disbelievingly at the Slytherin.  
  
'What.' Lupin said. 'ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.'  
  
It wasn't really a question.  
  
'Well, after you guys so ignorantly chased the madman through the castle, I did a little research and found where his secret quarters were.' Said Draco arrogantly. 'I guess of course, you would have no idea where that is.'  
  
'Um.' Said Lupin.  
  
'But I have to thank that little girlfriend of yours nonetheless.' Said Draco, who was now not looking at Lupin but examining his fingernails. 'Distracting Hojo meant certain sacrifices to my being. THIS, for instance.'  
  
Lupin was aghast to see the needle again. Nobody likes needles, Lupin included. For a moment he pondered what Draco had said. It didn't make a lot of sense to him, though.  
  
'WHAT little girlfriend?' He questioned.  
  
Draco ignored him. Lupin scoffed.  
  
'LOOK, if you're so smart, why don't you go rescue Snape and save the world?' Lupin said. 'I wouldn't like to do any more damage to my BRILLIANT self by endangering it again. Of course, I WOULD offer to help you but...'  
  
Lupin shrugged. He would actually very much like to go pursue his earlier daydream of food and elvish slavery, but he wasn't about to tell Draco Malfoy that.  
  
'Don't be stupid.' Draco semi-raised an eyebrow. Because he isn't exactly cool enough, this didn't work as well as when Snape and Hojo are doing it.  
  
'I have no intention of saving Severus Snape.' Draco continued. 'What I'm interested in...well.'  
  
Lupin got the feeling he wasn't the only one concealing things.  
  
'Well, go on then, don't let me stop you.' Said Lupin sarcastically, holding out an arm as if escorting Draco out.  
  
'Don't mind if I do.'  
  
Lupin watched Draco Malfoy's retreating back and rolled his eyes again. He was feeling sorry for the pathetic little *BEEP*.  
  
'He thinks he's so cool.' Muttered Lupin. 'But I am the only BRILLIANT one around here. And if he thinks he's gonna be the only one trying to save the world, he's got another thing comin'.'  
  
Lupin shuffled off in the other direction, muttering to himself again.  
  
[???]  
  
Jeni woke up again on the cold hard floor, and peeked open one eye just to be on the safe side. There were no giant rats. Jeni was very relieved, as if she fainted again she'd probably never wake up and that would mean some people would be very upset.  
  
'Oh who am I kidding.' Muttered Jeni, rolling her eyes at herself. 'They probably forgot about me again. If only Severus-'  
  
She stopped, remembering her betraying friend, and made a mental note to punch Severus Snape in the face the first moment she could.  
  
Jeni regarded her surroundings. She was in some sort of room, in some sort of cage. There was a desk in front of her and a couple of bookcases lining the walls. The place was very uninviting. Not that Jeni could go anywhere anytime soon, she thought.  
  
'Hey, what's that?' Jeni just noticed loose pieces of paper within her reach on the desk in front of her. She reached through the gaps between the bars of her cage, which were conveniently enough just as wide as her arms, and grabbed the pieces of loose sheet.  
  
'The Secret Confessions of Professor Hojo.' She read aloud, then her eyes widened at what she just read. How convenient!  
  
'"First and fore mostly, I am not gay. (Just to get this down on paper to reassure myself. Certainly not written down for any heroes who might conveniently get a hold of this) I plan little for the puny worthless wizard named Severus Snape, but thought that as long as I am in this world, I might as well as get a few pawns for Jenova so she'd stop glomping me. Anyway, when this whole ordeal ends, I will sacrifice him as well as that girl of his."'  
  
'I knew it!' Muttered Jeni. 'Poor Severus!'  
  
But then she remembered her extreme desire to hurt Severus herself and ceased feeling any kind of pity for him.  
  
'"The resurrection of Sephiroth is coming along well. I just need a suitable body for him. I don't quite know why I need little Jeni's soul for the whole operation. Perhaps I shall find out later. Jenova's mind works in strange ways. I mean, she also likes spaghetti and meatballs for breakfast!'"  
  
Jeni made a face at the piece of paper.  
  
'"I'll discontinue this now, as each word I may write could be used against me. I'll remind myself to destroy this sometime. However, since I am extremely occupied, I would excuse myself if I forget to remind myself.  
  
Signed Hojo'"  
  
Jeni took a deep breath. For a while she just stared. This whole document has opened her eyes indeed!  
  
'I mean, what kind of person likes pasta for breakfast?' Questioned Jeni. Then she looked puzzled and scratched her head. 'No, sorry, I mean, what does he mean he needs a body for 'Sephiroth?''  
  
Suddenly, footsteps echoed outside the place she was in. Jeni's heart skipped a beat, and she hurriedly pushed the papers back onto Hojo's desk and collapsed onto the floor, pretending to be asleep.  
  
The footsteps came closer.  
  
And closer.  
  
And closer.  
  
They stopped near her...  
  
Jeni held her breath...  
  
'*BEEP!* Said the owners of the footsteps. Jeni heard tumbling and more swearing as the owner tripped and fell heavily to the floor. But Jeni opened her eyes, stunned. She recognized that voice!  
  
'SEVERUS!' Hissed Jeni.  
  
'Jeni! You're awake!' Severus hurried over to his imprisoned friend, and promptly fell backwards again as a fist connected with his left eye.  
  
'DAMN YOU STUPID...GRR!' Jeni growled, venting her frustration.  
  
'Ah, you can swear if you want.' Severus pointed out, rubbing his eye. 'It's all beeped out anyway.'  
  
Silence.  
  
'*BEEEEEEEEP* *BEEEEEEEEEP*' Said Jeni. The portraits doubted if they'd get any sleep these days.  
  
Severus raised an eyebrow. However, since it now hurt very much to do this, he lowered it again quickly.  
  
'GET ME OUTTA HERE!' Demanded Jeni. 'SEVERUS! SEVERUS, I AM YOUR FRIEND! YOU DON'T DO THIS KIND OF THING TO YOUR FRIEND!'  
  
'I'm sorry!' Was all Severus could say. Jeni exploded.  
  
'YOU'RE SORRY? THE EVIL SCIENTIST GUY'S ABOUT TO RESURRECT HIS SON, WHO I AM SURE HAS HIS EVIL GENES IN HIM, GIANT RATS ARE ROMING THE CASTLE, EVERYONE'S EITHER MISSING OR NON-EXISTANT, I'M STUCK IN A STUPID CAGE WHILE DRACO IS GOD KNOWS WHERE, IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT, AND YOU'RE SORRY???!!!'  
  
'I hardly think it's ALL my fault-'  
  
'SHUT UP!!!'  
  
A few moments of silence passed while Jeni regained her breath.  
  
'Well, YOU've always approved of love and whatnot.' Muttered Severus timidly. 'I thought you'd see that this was something important to me.'  
  
'I approve of weddings and love and fluffy romance novels, which this, this scary and disturbing obsession of yours DOESN'T FIT INTO!' Shouted Jeni. 'AND I DON'T APPROVE OF ANY RELATIONSHIPS THAT MAY GET ME STUCK IN A CAGE ON A DEATH SENTENCE!'  
  
'You can't guilt me out of this, Jen.' Said Severus determinedly. 'I really am happy with Hojo-sama, and if you can't be a good friend about it, then I guess you can't be a friend at all.'  
  
'???' Said Jeni. 'A GOOD FRIEND? I'M GONNA DIE AND YOU WANT ME TO-'  
  
She stopped suddenly. In the ringing silence that followed, the two could clearly hear running footsteps echoing along the supposed corridor outside.  
  
'What the-?' Said Jeni.  
  
'Shhh!' Commanded Severus, whipping out his wand and directing it at the door. 'Those aren't Hojo-sama's footsteps.'  
  
Silence.  
  
'Heeeeeeeeeelp!!!' Squealed Jeni. 'I'm in heeeeeeere! Saaaaaaaaaave me!!!'  
  
'Arg! Shut up Jeni!' Severus said nervously, edging towards the door.  
  
Suddenly, the door opened wide, and Severus jumped aside fortunately two nano-seconds before it did so he was saved from another ungraceful fall. Outside, surrounded for some reason in a cloud of mist, was...  
  
'DRACO!' Said Jeni triumphantly. 'SAVE ME!'  
  
Draco looked bemusedly backwards and forwards between Jeni and Severus, then decided he would rescue Jeni before he dealt with Severus. He moved towards the cage.  
  
'Stop right there.' Warned Severus. 'Jeni ain't going anywhere. I promised Hojo-sama I'd not let her escape.'  
  
'Whatever.' Answered Draco as he fiddled with the lock.  
  
A moment later, a stunning spell whizzed past Draco's shoulder. Fortunately, it didn't hit him. Unfortunately, it hit Jeni square between the eyes and it made her faint, yet again.  
  
'You don't want to do that, Malfoy.' Severus continued. 'It's always dangerous being caught in the heroes' businesses, even if those heroes are in actual fact hero-wannabes by an unlikely coincidence. Besides, I thought you'd approve of chaos. We are, after all, Slytherins.'  
  
Draco swept a loose bang from his forehead in that way which could make little fangirls swoon, and said calmly:  
  
'I don't care if that crazy madman destroys stuff. I just want her-' Draco pointed to Jeni, who was lying with her eyes crossed on the cold cage floor. 'outta here.'  
  
'And why would you want to do that?'  
  
Draco scoffed. 'The question should be "why wouldn't you?'  
  
The two cool boys stared each other for a while.  
  
'I've pledged myself to Hojo-sama.' Answered Severus sadly. 'I'd like to help, I really would. If only this plot was less complicated I could join you people in fighting the evil dude. Unfortunately, you know, I can't help but love him.'  
  
Silence.  
  
'Severus, Severus, Severus.' Tsked Draco, shaking his head. 'Love is such a strong word.'  
  
'Malfoy, stay out of this, I swear I'm gonna have to hurt you.' Severus directed his wand at the blonde, then suddenly remembered something of relevance. 'Hey, didn't you have a needle in you? Isn't it supposed to make you deformed and mutilated and stuff?'  
  
'Snape, you obviously don't know me very well.' Answered Draco. 'Being the Death Eater's son that I am, my father obviously put a lot of defensive spells on me, and one of them insured that I would not get hurt by just any ~muggle~.'  
  
'Oh, but I'm not ~just any muggle~, little boy.' Said a cold voice from behind them all.  
  
~ 


	4. The Fangirls' Worst Nightmare

JENI'S FANFICTION ~ Severus Snape the Second (Crimson Sun) (With no help from Remus again.)  
  
Mention again (I'm going to cease this soon) that writings in ~'s are italics, and writings in *'s are usually Jeni's comments. You figure the rest out. ~Severus  
  
~~  
  
[Outside the staffroom]  
  
'Professor Dumbledore!' Yelled Lupin, wondering if he should risk into the unknown of the teacher's staffroom, where no student has ever trod before. He edged towards the door, stopped, edged towards it again, and finally made up his mind and strode determinedly into the great mysterious inside.  
  
'What the-'  
  
Besides the dozen or so teachers slouched into chairs and some of whom were snoring softly (or loudly), the room was completely normal-looking. It could've been the interior of any muggle's basement, it was THAT ordinary.  
  
Lupin picked his way through the sleeping adults and located Dumbledore, who was snoring loudest of all, lying with his head on Professor McGonagall's lap. His bunny slippers were still on his feet. At least, one was. The other was caught in his beard, which didn't look nearly as impressive now on close-up than it did on the sorting feast night.  
  
'Psst!' Lupin whispered into his ear. A second later Lupin wondered why he was whispering, since what he really wanted now WAS for the teachers to wake up. He paused, sucked in a deep breath, and shouted: 'WAKE UP, PROFESSOR!'  
  
Nothing.  
  
'THERE'S AN EVIL MADMAN INSIDE THE CASTLE!'  
  
No score.  
  
'THE WORLD WILL END IF YOU DON'T HELP!'  
  
Nada.  
  
'Um...VOLDEMORT'S BACK!'  
  
Zilch.  
  
'Cockroach cluster?'  
  
This generated a slight reaction. Dumbledore snorted, slipped off Professor McGonagall's lap and contined snoring on the wooden floor.  
  
Lupin, being the BRILLIANT wizard he was, soon concluded that they were under a spell of some sort.  
  
'DAMNIT!' He swore. He raised his wand, aimed it between Dumbledore's eyes, and shouted 'Expelliaremus!'  
  
The spell, which usually could do ANYTHING, this time failed to do anything but set Dumbledore's hair on fire. However, with another expelliaremus, Lupin put it out and left the headmaster unharmed, though with a slightly receeded hairline.  
  
'Hojo must've done something to them.' Muttered Lupin. 'It's no ordinary magic they're bound under.'  
  
Since he could do no more, Lupin left in a grudgy mood, on his way to find Draco and Severus and Hojo and whats-her-name-I-can-never-remember-it. But not before he whipped out a quill and drew funny symbols all over the teachers' faces.  
  
[Back at ???]  
  
Everyone froze for a few seconds.  
  
'And you must be Hojo.' Said Draco coolly, his eyes shining with cold light in the way that could make little fangirls coo and faint all over the place. 'I have a score to settle with you, I believe.'  
  
'Ah, but you are not of my concern.' Hojo answered, equally coolly. However, this did not have the same effect as Hojo was not nearly as pretty as Draco Malfoy...to most people. (^_^) 'Unless you have something to contribute to my ultimate plan.Other than that, I believe you should leave before you find yourself in a situation a little boy is incapable of handling.'  
  
It was very quiet as Draco and Hojo stared at each other. Jeni, despite her situation, was finding it hard not to drool and flap her hands in front of her feverish face. Oh, Draco is so handsome and cool and he's going to save me!  
  
'You're trying to threaten me.' Said Draco, raising his wand. The little fangirls, Jeni included, 'wooooooed' together as they clutched their fluttering little hearts. 'But your petty muggle antics cannot harm me!'  
  
A few more moments of silence. Severus was in the middle of a conscious meltdown crisis and could not, unfortunately, contribute to anything. Jeni was finding herself in danger of fainting again.  
  
'I already informed you. I am not just a petty muggle of your world.' Hojo reached inside his labcoat pocket. Draco raised his wand, ready to strike. But Hojo merely withdrew a small, green stone and placed it in the middle of his palm.  
  
'Let Jeni go, or I'll be forced to prove you wrong.' Said Draco. Jeni was at her final straw. Draco remembered her name! NO ONE has EVER managed that before! Even her own sister had trouble sometimes, but anyway...  
  
'Inpedimenta!' Shouted Draco.  
  
'M-Barrier.' A rainbow-colored shield appeared magically in front of Hojo and absorbed the spell Draco sent.  
  
'Dammit' Muttered Draco as he prepared for another spell.  
  
'Eeep.' Said Jeni.  
  
'Grrreaprherorewo' Said Severus, who was trying to decide which he loved better: the world, the universe, and everything, or Hojo.  
  
'I believe in your world, wizarding dueling rules says it's my turn to strike.' Hojo smirked, knowing very well that was not one of the rules. 'Now, prepare...FIRE 3!'  
  
The whole dungeon errupted into bright flames. However, mirraculously, the only one who got slightly singed was Draco, who managed the Shield Charm at the last moment.Things were getting very desperate.  
  
'Arg!' Said Draco, making the little fangirls' eyes water with pity.  
  
'And, oh, this might be a good time to point out there is nothing in dueling ruling out two strikes at once, so...BOLT 2!' Hojo struck again.  
  
Thunder came down from nowhere. Things were definitely NOT looking good. Draco's robes were smoking slightly. Little fangirls everywhere donated coins to buy him a new one.  
  
'Stupefy!' Tried Draco again. However, Hojo's shield charm had not worn off, so the spell backfired. And since the shield was on an angle, it bounced and hit Jeni, who was watching so intently that she did not avoid it in time, and made her fainted again.  
  
'Oops.' Muttered Draco, who was fast losing his cool. 'Expelliamus!'  
  
'ICE!' Countered Hojo. Draco stumbled. The floor became slippery under his feet. He was going to fall....it's gonna be all over...  
  
'EXPELLIAREMUS!'  
  
The spell that came from nowhere shattered Hojo's slightly cracked barrier and made him stumble backwards and into the hard brick wall. The stone he was holding flew out of his hands. Everyone looked towards the door, where, shrouded in a mist of dry ice for effect, was...  
  
'Lupin!' Recognized Draco, who was glad to see someone from his rival house for once. 'Help me!'  
  
'Goddamn, Snape! You're gonna just stand there or rejoin your friends?' Asked Lupin as he struggled to the rescue.  
  
'DON'T TALK TO ME!' Screeched Severus, who's hair was very useful in hiding his pained expression.  
  
'Oh...my back...' Said Hojo, rubbing his bad back. 'Young people these days...'  
  
'Expelliaremus!' Lupin took aim.  
  
'Stupefy!' Draco joined in.  
  
Hojo fell to the floor heavily. Severus hurried forward, but Lupin yanked him back by the neck of the robes. Meanwhile, Draco had managed to get Jeni out of the cage and into his arms. Some fangirls went 'awwwwww.' But most just scrowled in jealousy and put Jeni down on the top of their enemies list...or tried. Fortunately, they didn't remember her name.  
  
'Come on, old man, give it up now.' Said Draco, regaining his arrogance and coolness. Jeni woke, saw where she was, and fainted again in happiness.  
  
'Yeah, surrender or you'll get it.' Added Lupin menancingly, hanging onto Severus's collar so tightly the unfortunate Slytherin passed out.  
  
'I don't think so.' Said Hojo, who was looking very sinister as his bangs fell over his face, covering it in shadow. 'I still have this...'  
  
A flash of light. More dry ice. The heroes blinked. Hojo went.  
  
'*BEEP*!' Swore Lupin. 'We really have to do something about this. If he keeps disappearing the readers'll get bored.'  
  
'But fortunately...' Said Draco, picking up the glistening green stone that Hojo dropped before. 'We have a lead.'  
  
They examined the stone, but could find no visible source of magical powers in it. Finally, it was decided they would go back to the Gryffindor Commonroom, where Jeni could be revived and Severus brainwashed into rejoining the heroes.  
  
'Ok, I'll carry Jeni, you grab Snape there.' Commanded Draco.  
  
'No one orders me around.' Lupin scoffed, but dragged Severus away still by the collar anyway.  
  
[At the Gryffindor Commonroom]  
  
'Hey, I thought you approved of friendship all this time.' Said Severus, who was tied to a chair, which was in the middle of the Gryffindor commonroom, and which was also surrounded by several people, namely, Lupin, Jeni, and Draco.  
  
'Yeah, but we have to teach you to approve of it too.' Said Jeni, who had been revived, and still had to avoid eye contact with Draco just in case. And through her misfortunes Jeni finally gained the respect, so people were not forgetting her like usual. She had also adopted that haughty tone we mentioned somewhere earlier in this fiction, so now she was confident and commanding. (Don't worry readers, this won't last.) 'So we're going to re- educate you.'  
  
'You're going to brainwash me?' Severus questioned.  
  
'No, we're going to re-educate you.' Stressed Jeni. 'Ok? Things are going to work like this. I am the ultimate good. I will ask you questions, which you will answer truthfully. Oh, no, scratch that. You are going to answer how we want you to answer.'  
  
Severus looked desperately around for help and received none.  
  
'Since I am the ultimate good, someone has to be the ultimate evil to balance out the cosmos. In this case...Remus here.'  
  
Lupin stepped forward, hiding something behind his back and looking extremely evily pleased with himself.  
  
Severus gulped.  
  
'You are going to be a good boy and forget all about your pledge to Hojo, and rejoin the heroes as the Severus Snape we all know and affectionally hate.' Jeni continued. 'If, however, you are not up to scratch, not in tune, not how we want you to be, then unfortunately, we would be forced to steer you in the right direction.'  
  
Jeni guestured to Lupin, who produced a large and evil looking club from behind his back.  
  
'Now...shall we start...?' Jeni flashed a large, friendly grin at Severus, who was convinced that this could only mean what she was planning was ultra- cruel.  
  
'First question.' Said Jeni. 'ARE YOU ONE OF US OR ARE YOU WITH HOJO?'  
  
'Guy's I'm sorry but I don't think this is the best way to-'  
  
WHACK!  
  
'Thank you, Remus.' Nodded Jeni. After slapping Severus until he came to again, she continued with the interrogation.  
  
'Wrong answer, Severus! We'll get back to the first question later.' Said Jeni. 'Now, the second question... ARE YOU GOING TO REJOIN US OR WILL WE BE FORCED TO DISOWN YOU?'  
  
'You don't own me! My dad was an evil dude, I have certain obligations to the dark-'  
  
WHACK!  
  
'Wrong answer again, Severus!' Said Jeni, who by this time was giggling slightly, despite the seriousness of the situation. 'Righteo. Maybe we should start with an easier question.'  
  
Jeni sighed: 'Ok. We.want.you.to.tell.us.your.name.'  
  
Severus blinked.  
  
'Are you serious?' He questioned, squirming uncomfortably in the wooden chair against all the ropes binding him. 'Geez, if it'd get you off my back. I.am.Severus.Snape.the.Second.'  
  
WHACK!  
  
'Remus!' Scolded Jeni.  
  
'Sorry, couldn't resist.' Grinned Lupin, who was thoroughly enjoying himself.  
  
Severus was seriously regretting his earlier decision to befriend these Gryffindors, whom he thought were NICE and LOYAL.  
  
'We're not making any progress at all!' Whined Jeni. 'We can't just leave him here while we save the world! And if and when we get him brainwashed, Hojo would've resurrected TEN of his sons or something!'  
  
'Ahem.' Said Draco, who melted out of the shadows. The fangirls gasped appropriately. 'Have you considered...maybe using the imperious curse on this guy?'  
  
Silence  
  
'NO WAY.' Objected Severus.  
  
'Actually...that MAY save us heaps and heaps of time.' Said Lupin thoughtfully, stroking his chin. 'However, we'd probably point out that...'  
  
'It's illegal.' Finished Jeni.  
  
Silence.  
  
'Well...there IS a first time for everything...' Said Lupin.  
  
'!!!!!!!' Said Severus.  
  
'We're assuming you can perform it.' Said Lupin.  
  
Draco nodded dutifully.  
  
'My father-' He started.  
  
'No, don't. Don't start about your father, Malfoy.' Interrupted Lupin. The fangirls decided he was too cool to put down into their enemies list, despite his always interrupting their idol.  
  
'Oh, fine, whatever.' Draco rolled his eyes. 'I know how to do it.'  
  
'So...?'  
  
'GUYS! I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY FRIENDS!' Screeched Severus.  
  
'Well, now you know how I feel.' Said Jeni.  
  
Draco advanced with wand in hand.  
  
'Hey, hey, hey!' Severus tried to edge away, but as he was tied to a chair, this did not work very well. 'Wait a minute! I'll rejoin you! I'll rejoin, you happy now?'  
  
Silence.  
  
'Are you...sure?' Draco half-raised an eyebrow. Lupin looked disappointed.  
  
'Yeah, yeah!' Severus agreed grudgingly. 'Just don't...point that at me.'  
  
Draco put his wand away and bowed to Lupin and Jeni.  
  
'And there you have it. Brainwashed.' He said.  
  
'Now could you please untie me?' Severus inquired.  
  
'No, we're gonna leave you there for a while 'til we're sure you're loyal.' Lupin shook his head.  
  
'Hey!' Severus yelped as the rest of the heroes yawned and made their way up the staircase to bed. 'Hey, come back here!'  
  
'Night, Snape.' Smirked Draco as he climbed out of the secret door. The fangirls sighed disappointedly and went about their collective businesses, which were mainly gathering for Draco's new cloak.  
  
'Yeah, sorry 'bout this Severus.' Said Jeni sweetly. 'We'll untie you in the morning.'  
  
'I didn't even know it was nighttime.' Pointed out Lupin quietly. 'It seems that the moon only came up two seconds ago.'  
  
'Guys!' Wailed Severus, in vain. 'COME BACK HERE!'  
  
Lupin stopped in his tracks, came back, and grinned a grin too big to be sincere.  
  
'Snape...?'  
  
'*gulp* Yes...Lupin?'  
  
'Here's something to help you sleep.'  
  
'Wait a-'  
  
WHACK!  
  
Silence.  
  
[In the Morning]  
  
'All right, crew. Plan: Defeat Hojo, destroy his plans to resurect his son, save the world, reawaken the teachers, accept my trophies for me, attend my award ceremony, and be back at the great hall for dinner.' Instructed Lupin. 'How does that sound to everyone?'  
  
'There are so many things wrong with that I won't even start.' Said Draco, rolling his eyes tiredly at the ceiling. 'First of all, crew?'  
  
'At least I'm helping.' Lupin rebutted. 'What are you doing? May I remind you that you owe me one for saving your neck back at Hojo's HQ?'  
  
'Hey, guys, look who I found while down at the kitchens looking for breakfast?' Interrupted Jeni, who appeared at the doorway into the Gryffindor commonroom.  
  
'Why weren't you in the Great Hall for breakfast?' Asked Severus, who had not had any breakfast himself and was feeling slightly pissed.  
  
'Ah. Teachers asleep by magical power.' Lupin answered. 'I don't think I've seen anyone from any of the other houses either. Other than the Slytherins and Hufflepuffs.'  
  
'Hey, now that you mention it, where are the rest of the Gryffindors and the Ravenclaws?' Asked Severus, who was suffering rope burn and massaging his hurting wrists.  
  
'I can answer that.' Said a voice from behind Jeni.  
  
'Harry Potter?' Gasped everyone simultaneously. 'What are you doing here?'  
  
'Well, it is my common room.' Muttered Harry. 'See, I have more reason of being here than him' He pointed at Draco, 'and him' He pointed at Severus.  
  
'So, where are the Gryffindors and Ravenclaws?' Asked Jeni. 'Tell them, Harry.'  
  
'Well, since everyone was in an awful panic about this madman coming, I decided it was my duty to be heroic, yet again, and get them to a safe location.' Answered Harry.  
  
'Riiiiight.' Draco semi-raised an eyebrow. 'So, where are they, Potter?'  
  
'I dunno.' Answered Harry. 'I think they're through that big swirly portal in the third floor.'  
  
Severus slapped his head. Draco rolled his eyes. Lupin sighed. Jeni looked stoned.  
  
'Ok...ok...so I think temporarily they'll be safe there, since the main danger is here, in our world.' Said Lupin.  
  
'So...why didn't you save the Hufflepuffs and Slytherins?' Asked Severus.  
  
'Well, the Hufflepuffs have their own private hideout place-thing.' Answered Harry, who was here possibly only for answering questions. 'And no body would miss the Slytherins.'  
  
Draco and Severus scoffed.  
  
'What, you can't deny it...' Pointed out Harry.  
  
'No, I guess we can't.' Severus sighed. 'So, let's resume our earlier topic on how to defeat *sigh* Hojo-sama...'  
  
Lupin swung his big evil club out of nowhere and beat it against his other hand menacingly. Severus gulped.  
  
'Of course, it is my truest intention!' He added hastily.  
  
'Right, right, we're straying, people.' Said Draco, the voice of reason. The little fangirls cooed collectively.  
  
'Yeah, like you would have any good ideas to aid us, Malfoy.' Said Harry.  
  
'If you're playing hero, why don't you be a good little boy and go through that portal with the rest of the half-school?' Asked Draco hostiley.  
  
'Whatever.' Answered Harry. 'I don't take orders from Slytherins.'  
  
'Potter, get out of here.' Lupin instructed.  
  
'Fine.' Muttered Harry as he stepped out of the portrait and swung it shut behind him. A few seconds later he realized his robes were caught in it, which meant he had to come in, free them, and go back out. Not a very dramatic exit. ^_^  
  
'Right now, the only lead we have is this stone.' Draco took the green stone out of his pocket after Harry Potter's angry mutters disappeared from their ears. The stone shone sinisterly. Well, sinister for a stone to shine anyway. 'And it doesn't tell us very much.'  
  
'Hey look, there are words on it!' Exclaimed Jeni.  
  
'Read it, then!' Lupin growled.  
  
'Heal.' Jeni read. 'What does that mean?'  
  
'Maybe what the word means.' Severus pointed out. 'Healing powers?'  
  
'Heeeeeeey....' Realized Lupin. 'Maaaaaaaybe it can get the teachers to wake up!'  
  
'But how do we get it to work?' Asked Jeni.  
  
'Hey, look, there are other words appearing on it!' Draco gasped. The fangirls gasped with him.  
  
'It says...' Lupin read. 'It says...poison...no, poisona and...e...e...esuna.'  
  
'Well, worth a go.' Said Severus. 'Maybe you guys would like to go and see if you can wake the teachers, and I'll go and find Hojo-sama and then-'  
  
'I really don't think that's a good idea.' Jeni said apprehensively.  
  
'No. It isn't a good idea.' Agreed Draco. 'Here, look, I'll go look for the madman, and you can go try wake the teachers up with that stone. Lupin, go with Snape to insure he doesn't try anything funny. Jeni, you can come with me.'  
  
'I won't have orders given to me by a Slytherin in my own commonroom!' Objected Lupin. Severus sighed.  
  
'Come on, Lupin.' He said sadly, dragging the Gryffindor off by the neck of the robes. (It's a good trick! Try it with someone!) 'I guess it'd be good if I didn't see Hojo-Sama for a while... And I'm sure these two would like to be alone.'  
  
They exited the commonroom.  
  
'So...' Started Jeni, who was talking to her feet rather than Draco, to whom the talk was actually directed to. 'I guess I should thank you for rescuing me back there. Didn't really have a chance...'  
  
'No big deal.' Answered Draco coolly. The fangirls made sullen faces at Jeni. 'You saved my neck once too. I'm just repaying the favor.'  
  
Awkward silence.  
  
'Well...um...should we go?' Asked Jeni, shuffling towards the commonroom exit.  
  
'Yeah. Lead the way.' Answered Draco.  
  
They made their way to the Dungeons. Jeni felt as though Hojo could've attacked the entire world and she wouldn't give a damn. 


	5. Sephiroth's return

OK, I (Jeni) have finally fixed the little problem we had with my FAVOURITE SCENE being deleted. So here's the modified chapter 5.  
  
~~  
  
[In the staffroom]  
  
'Wow...I've never been in the staffroom before...' Observed Severus. 'Is it always this...ordinary?'  
  
'Yeah, kinda spoilt the big secretness, huh.' Agreed Lupin.  
  
'Geez...I knew Dumbledore's nose was that shape for some reason.' Said Severus, blocking his ears as he approached the headmaster, now snoring loud enough to wake ALL the portraits in the school. Severus looked around, raised an eyebrow, and asked: 'Ah...what are those weird symbols on their faces?'  
  
'Um...must be part of the spell Hojo put on them.' Answered Lupin nervously. 'Ok, nevermind. Let's just try this stone on someone first then.'  
  
Lupin looked around for a ginuea pig, and suddenly, his face broke into an evil grin. (Severus was starting to think Lupin was wrongly sorted into Gryffindor when he should fit in nicely in Slytherin.)  
  
'Heeeeeeeey...' Said Lupin, ducking behind Dumbledore and McGonagoll and approaching someone at the very back corner of the staffroom. 'Look, the perfect test subject.'  
  
Severus looked and nearly fainted.  
  
'You wanna test potentially dangerous magic on my FATHER?' He demanded.  
  
Professor Severus Snape Senior (alliteration. Teehee!) was resting with his head in his arms and his arms folded on a nearby desk. He used to snore too, Severus remembered, but thank goodness he had a potion for that. ^_^  
  
'Right. So what does this do?' Lupin fiddled with the stone.  
  
'Wait a minute...what if...' Stuttered Severus. But it was too late.  
  
'Poisona!' Shouted Lupin, directing the stone at Professor Snape.  
  
Silence  
  
Silence  
  
A cricket chirped bravely in the distance.  
  
A bird ate the brave cricket.  
  
Silence.  
  
'Phew.' Said Severus. 'Now please can we...'  
  
'Esuna!' Shouted Lupin.  
  
There was a blinding flash of green light. And this time...  
  
'Oh...what?' Mumbled Professor Snape.  
  
'See? Very safe.' Lupin crossed his arms and nodded. 'Another triumph for Remus J. Lupin and his BRILLIANCE!'  
  
He skipped around, performing the spell on all the other teachers, until one by one, sleepy mutters filled the room. Severus shook his dad's shoulders worriedly.  
  
'Hey, old man! Are you all right?'  
  
'What...oh, Severus!' Professor Snape picked himself up from the table. 'What is the meaning of this?'  
  
Thankfully, because his head was in his arms while he slept, Professor Snape attained no weird symbols on his face. However, the other teachers were not so lucky. But with a few quick 'expelliaremus'es, Lupin managed to take back the damage he did.  
  
'What is happening, Severus? I demand to know!' Demanded Professor Snape.  
  
'Ah...' Said Severus. 'It's a long story, father, really. And we don't have time to-'  
  
'Hi everybody!' Came a voice at the door.  
  
'Nice timing, Harry Potter!' applauded Lupin. 'Now get these teachers outta here, won't you?'  
  
'What's happening?' Asked poor Professor Snape, getting more confused by the second.  
  
'Ok, professors! Follow me!' Said Harry. And the teachers, still dazed by their misadventure, followed without comment. (And for the convenience of the story, of course. ^_^)  
  
'Come on, Snape!' Lupin shouted to Severus as he pushed the line of teachers out the door. 'Sooner we get these oldies into that portal and safety, sooner we can go rebattle Hojo!'  
  
'Why are we putting away the teachers if we're more likely to succeed with them?' Questioned Severus.  
  
'Because they have to look after the others. And because a hero's business is a hero's business, and teachers can't be heroes.' Answered Lupin. Severus sighed and started manovering his father towards the door. If you can't beat the idiots, join them, he guessed.  
  
'I refuse to be pushed around like a helpless infant!' Professor Snape said angrily, as his son started pushing him around like a helpless infant. 'Severus! You just wait...when this spell wears off I'll...'  
  
'See you!' Lupin waved cheerfully at the departing teachers as he shoved Professor Snape into the line with his other hand. Harry, look after Professor Snape here-'  
  
He paused, and Severus saw the old evil glint in his eyes.  
  
'And oh, Professor?' Lupin started sweetly at Professor Snape's retreating back. 'Did you know that your son is a homose-'  
  
Severus tackled Lupin as Harry led the blissfully unaware teachers away, dragging Professor Snape by the sleeve.  
  
[Dungeons]  
  
'You know...' Started Jeni, taking a brave stab at conversation as she and Draco walked down the old windy stairs. 'You're really a nice guy, Draco. Why did they put you in Slytherin?'  
  
'Evil genes.' Answered Draco silently. 'Snape has them too, but he's a big softy.'  
  
Jeni giggled to think what Severus would do if he heard that last comment.  
  
'And that Lupin guy can almost raise one eyebrow, if he tried.' Draco continued. 'Have you ever noticed? And he's in Gryffindor.'  
  
'What's with evil people and their one-eyebrow trick anyway?' Jeni asked.  
  
'See, it's what marks them as evil.' Answered Draco. 'If you see anyone who can fully raise one eyebrow and make it look graceful, then you know you've got yourself a pure evil genius of some sort.'  
  
'Like Hojo.'  
  
'Yeah, like Hojo.'  
  
Jeni walked in silence for a few steps.  
  
'Hey Draco, can you raise one of your eyebrows?' She asked softly.  
  
'Nah.' Came the response. 'I can half-raise my left one, but that only makes me look demented.'  
  
'I see.' Jeni giggled again. 'I'm glad.'  
  
'So am I.' Draco smiled. The fangirls, who've almost given up, were re- charmed and started swooing all over again.  
  
'Any particular reason...?'  
  
''Cause..' Draco inclined his head. 'You don't like evil people, do you...?'  
  
Jeni blushed.  
  
And it was around this time something else happened. (Good interruption. I really hate where this conversation is going.) The high-pitched scream of a boy pierced the silent dungeon atmosphere and brought both heroes back down to earth. (Thank goodness.)  
  
'What was that?' Hissed Draco, whipping out his wand. Jeni followed suit.  
  
'Dunno.' She whispered, creeping along behind her handsome protector towards the source of the scream. 'But it sounded like it came from over there.'  
  
She pointed. Dungeon no. 13's door stood open sinisterly. (Oh, really, please don't tell me you weren't expecting that.) From within, the ringing silence the scream left behind did not last. An evil laugh, the evil likes of which Jeni or even Draco had ever heard, floated out towards them.  
  
'It's HOJO!' Hissed Draco. 'Damn. Here I was thinking he switched HQs. I guess evil people get easy to predict after a while.'  
  
'What are we gonna do, Draco?' Whimpered Jeni. 'And who screamed?'  
  
'Shh!' Commaned the Slytherin. They flatted themselves on the wall next to the door and listened.  
  
'Muahahahahahahaha!' Said Hojo. 'Finally, the soul of an innocent is extracted! Sephiroth, daddy's work is nearly finished! You only need a body'  
  
'What the-?' Draco frowned. 'Weren't you supposed to be the innocent soul or something, Jeni?'  
  
Jeni shrugged.  
  
'Hold on, I'm gonna risk a look.' Whispered Draco, inching towards the door.  
  
'We're supposed to alert the others when we find out what Hojo's up to!' Rebutted Jeni.  
  
'But someone might've died in there!' Objected Draco. 'I have to find out what's goin' on.'  
  
'Well, if they're dead already, what's the point?' Pointed out Jeni.  
  
'Come on, I'm not gonna get captured or anything!' Persuaded Draco.  
  
'Actually, that may be a very likely possibility.' Said Hojo.  
  
'Eep!' Screeched Jeni. During their talk, neither of the heroes had noticed that Hojo had appeared from the doorway, magical stones in hand.  
  
'Hojo!' Draco pushed Jeni back towards the stairs. 'How did you know we were here?'  
  
'Oh, please.' Hojo rolled his eyes. 'I caught every word of that last little conversation. You kids thesedays have no idea how loudly you can whisper. Though what good timing! You will now aid me in my ressurection of Sephiroth!'  
  
He rolled a yellow stone between forefinger and thumb.  
  
'Jeni, run.' Hissed Draco in Jeni's ear, backing away from the scientist, wand in front. 'Tell Lupin and Snape...'  
  
'No, Draco, Draco...' Pleaded Jeni.  
  
'RUN, JENI!' Draco roared.  
  
'DEATH!' Commanded Hojo. The stone flashed into life.  
  
'Run Jeni!' Draco instructed, pushing Jeni away in front of him. They both bolted towards the door. (By this time, the little fangirls had chewed their fingernails raw.)  
  
'Too late!' Hojo laughed. A brilliant light blinded her eyes. Jeni heard Draco whimper behind her and fall with a thud onto the dungeon floor.  
  
'There's something very special about this particular death materia!' Hojo was crackling like a maniac now. 'See now as your friend dies..'  
  
The light died down. Jeni crouched beside Draco on the floor and touched his forehead. It was very cold. Jeni was very scared. Draco can't be dead, can he? (The fangirls all collapsed in a mass fainting frenzy)  
  
'...and gets reborn...as MY ALLY AND SON!'  
  
Draco's eyes fluttered open. Jeni backed away as he stood, brush himself off, look around, and finally rest his pale blue eyes on her. There was no recognition.  
  
'Draco...?' She yelped.  
  
Draco Malfoy stared at her coldly, and slowly, slowly, perfectly arched his left eyebrow.  
  
'Sephiroth, my son!' Hojo said triumphantly.  
  
Jeni fainted.  
  
~~  
  
Chapter 6 should be coming soon! 


End file.
